Monday was coming to an end. We had spent our first day with the kids (honestly, I am not a big fan of kids. Have I mentioned that?) We had taken the "taxis" which was a huge stress for me. I was overwhelmed by the tour of the hospital and had not been mentally prepared for that.
After leaving the hospital, we headed to the market. The market in Port de Paix is similar to a really large flea market. The streets are lined with vendors selling all sorts of things.... Rice, beans, meat, vegetables, books, clothing and shoes, jewelry, water, sugar cane, fried food, cellphones, a limited number of souvenirs and hygiene (Hi Gene) products. The vendors are shouting at us to buy things from them. The Creole language is harsh sounding to me and the Haitian people have very stoic expressions. There are no traffic laws in Haiti that I witnessed. Pedestrians do not necessarily have the right of way and taxis (motorcycles) are quickly speeding by everywhere beeping their horns. We also encountered a few people that share gestures with us that implied that they were not very happy to have "blancs" in their neighborhood. You know that universal gesture I am referring to.
While touring the market, we witnessed a funeral procession. The family and friends marched with a full band of instruments followed by a few professional wailers and a pick up truck carrying a casket that had windows in it. It reminded me of movies I have seen with funerals in New Orleans. It was very dramatic .The overall experience of the market was loud chaos. I was very intimidated by the experience.
As the end of the day on Monday approached, I was so emotional. I could not wait for our time up on the roof of the school. I could not wait to have a few moments of peace and calm. To connect with people "like me", please I was not intimidated by.I was looking forward to the safety of our devotional and scripture reading. Our journal focus was Luke 10:25-37 (The Good Samaritan) which of course I was...whether the vendors at the market thought so or not. As the city got dark and the stars came out, we sat in our little world worshiping and discussing our day, reading our scriptures and praying.
Once we were ready to call it a night and head back to our Holiday Beach Hotel, we noticed that many people had gathered outside the gates of the school. There were several dozen people just forming a mob between us at the school and our hotel. We discussed going straight to the hotel, flashlights on, stay together, keep our eyes down. It was probably not as dramatic as I am remembering but I can say without a doubt, after the day I had experienced, I was scared to make that walk. I felt threatened and anxious. I walked with my head down very quickly until I was inside the gates at the hotel and then breathed a sigh of relief.
I have procrastinated writing about this incident because it brings shameful tears to my eyes to remember how I felt toward those people that had gathered. I found out the next day that those "hudlums" that I feared were students that had gathered under the lights generated at the school and the Son Center to do their homework. Since many do not have electricity at home, once it is dark they take their books to buildings with light. I have shared this story with several people and all have said..."you didn't know" or "Anyone would have thought that" or "That is not really judging". Well the truth of the matter is, these statements are usually true when we judge someone. Not knowing the circumstance is the reason we judge. Previous experiences give us excuses to put up barriers. Forming an opinion about something without the facts is exactly that...judging. The bible does not say do not judge without cause....It says judge not... period.
This was the hardest lesson of my week in Haiti. As my fear built, I boosted my ego and believed I was better than the people I had come to serve. I have prayed every day since for help with my need for a big ego and that I might judge the way I want to be judged.
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| Students gathering under the lights to do school work |
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